Category Archives: Commentary

Consumed by Anger Long After the Marriage Ends

Divorce can be devastating, especially for a wife whose husband leaves her for another woman. It’s easy to become angry and hold onto resentment long after the divorce, but this anger can prevent moving on with your life. You need to turn your thoughts inward and focus on yourself. By realizing it’s not your fault and looking forward to a future without thinking about him is the best way to help you resolve the anger and live your life.

Key Takeaways:

  • Women affected by Wife Abandonment Syndrome have a symptom of anger towards their ex partner. Some will even think up schemes to hurt their ex for abandoning them.
  • Keeping the story of what your ex has done to you might give you a feeling of validation when being consoled by others, but it comes with a price.
  • It is best to move on from the abandonment in order to become happy once again, and soon you will forget what that person did to you.

“It comes from finally really knowing that what he did was wrong and no longer needing confirmation of that fact.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/201710/consumed-anger-long-after-the-marriage-ends

My Parents’ Divorce Made Me A Feminist

Many feminists have a reason to feel as they do. They may have seen a woman treated badly by the legal system as with a divorce or by men in general. Seeing things like this at a young age can change the way someone views the world. Feminists are willing to fight for women’s rights and for them to be respected. This isn’t always easy to do but they think it is a worthy and necessary cause.

Key Takeaways:

  • The way divorce is talked about is powerful, not just to the people getting divorced, but also to the children of that divorce.
  • Divorce and how it is handled within the family also affects the relationships that children have with others outside of that familial group.
  • The impact of a divorce is lifelong, to all of the participants.

“Every ordinary, terrible experience is a chance to know yourself better and see your life more clearly.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/my-parents-divorce-made-me-a-feminist_us_569809a6e4b0ce496423d15f?section=us_divorce

An Open Letter To My Ex-Wife

In An Open Letter to My Ex-Wife, the author expresses that although divorce is tough, he and his ex-wife have made an effort to keep their divorce amicable. He cites that the sons that they share were always watching how they composed themselves and treated one another, and that he feels they’ve been good role models. He provides the following ways that things work for them: they have always shown one another respect, they have co-parented their children without regard to who gets more time, and they have used their post-divorce time to grow. For those reasons, he feels that they are a great example of how people can successfully navigate the time after a divorce.

Key Takeaways:

  • Our children learn from the way we treat one another – even through the divorce
  • Just because people get divorced does not mean there is no way for them to get along
  • It is possible to have a life after divorce, and to grow through the situation.

“I’m proud that we have modeled for them a post-divorce relationship that’s built on mutual respect.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/an-open-letter-to-my-ex-wife_us_564536f1e4b08cda34883eca?section=us_divorce

3 Best and Worst Ways to Be a Friend When a Friend Needs You

A friendship with someone in a committed relationship has an unique dynamic, especially if you are considered a friend of just one spouse. You might find yourself serving as a confidant, especially when things aren’t going well in your friend’s marriage. There are some things you need to know when your friend approaches you to discuss their marriage. There are things you can do to provide positive advice and support as well as things you need to avoid so you don’t make the situation worse. This article will help you deal with this situation.

Key Takeaways:

  • People’s friendship networks tend to shrink overtime when they are in a long term relationship.
  • There is a possibility that the friends that someone confides in for help will be of no help to them.
  • If you are ever someones confidant sometimes it is best to just listen to what the confider is saying without saying anything yourself.

“If you’ve ever served in the role of confidant, it might be worthwhile for you to think of times that you’ve provided help or support and, conversely, if a confider, what responses were most helpful to you.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201710/3-best-and-worst-ways-be-friend-when-friend-needs-you

How You Can Change Your Post-Divorce Life In Just Five Minutes Per Day

The parents of the author divorced when the author was a child. This event gave her insight into coping with divorce. Caring for the appearance and cleanliness of oneself and one’s home are key to moving past a divorce. After a divorce, a person’s financial situation changes. It is important to manage these financial changes. Also, divorcees shouldn’t sulk around the house or the same old places. They should get out into the world, try new things, and meet new people.

Key Takeaways:

  • five minutes is all that you need to change your life
  • A great way to get a sense of control is to focus on what you do know
  • a clean space will put you at ease in life

“Whether you’ve been neglecting your health or appearance, it’s time to set aside part of your day for you.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-you-can-change-your-post-divorce-life-in-just-5_us_59a71c9ee4b096fd8876c032?section=us_divorce

This Marital Behavior Is Not Only Annoying, It’s A Sign You Might Divorce

One the most significant warning signs of a communication breakdown in a relationship is stonewalling when your partner attempt to discuss something important to them with you. This is characterized by remaining evasive or purposely disengaged while they attempt to communicate with you. The article suggest several antidotes to this situation including picking a good time to talk when everyone is calm or rested, not overflooding the discussion with too many details, and paying attention to physical or body reactions when difficult topics come up.

Key Takeaways:

  • Communication issues in a marriage aren’t just annoying, they can be very, very serious and can at times be an indicator of more serious issues.
  • The author gives us 7 tips on how to work through stonewalling and help stonewallers recognize what they can do to help themselves
  • Communication issues don’t have to be the downfall of your marriage.

“…routine stonewalling is one of the biggest predictors of divorce.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-common-behavior-is-a-tell-tale-sign-a-couple-might-not-last_us_59c3e36fe4b06f93538d1311?section=us_divorce

An Open Letter to Therapists About Your Divorcing Clients

According to family lawyers January will see a 30% increase in divorce cases. This also leads to an increase in referrals for mainstream therapists as many seek the best way to end their marriages. Divorce is probably one of the most common life changing events that therapists’ clients will go through yet they receive no formal education on how to handle this situation which is a shame since what most clients needs is information and support. These days there are many books and support groups that therapists can utilize to assist their clients. If you are a therapist that does not offer these services, please refer your divorcing clients to one that does.

Key Takeaways:

  • Therapists need to seek knowledge about divorce and how thoroughly it effects peoples’s lives.
  • Divorce is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a couple and a family, like a “hand grenade blowing up the family”
  • Therapist are more concerned about the client’s emotional and personal welfare than an attorney might be.

“Therapists can play a key role in helping clients feel supported and get educated.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201710/open-letter-therapists-about-your-divorcing-clients

The Hidden Dangers of Early Divorce

This is a brief look into how addictions can affect someone after a divorce. It’s important to note that addictions do not just include drugs, nicotine and alcohol; any behavior that becomes a ruling force in ones life can be a behavioral addiction. As the article pointed out, porn and shoe shopping addictions can be just as detrimental to someone as substance addictions. The brain releases chemicals based on what we are feeling or going through during an event. Cortisol and adrenalin are released in stressful, heartbroken experiences, and later the rush from an addiction releases dopamine and other hormones. Denial is a key aspect when someone has an addiction, but there are several signs that show an addiction is present. Preoccupation with the behavior & an inability to control the behavior are two large indicators. If someone does find them self with an addiction, there are several places to seek help. There are 12-Step programs, psychiatrists, hotlines, online options and your general physician can guide you to assistance as well.

Key Takeaways:

  • Many divorcees turn to unhealthy habits to take their mind off of the troubles and pain caused by their divorce; these habits can lead to addictions.
  • When a person is feeling bad they might look for a good time, this will release dopamine in our brains allowing us to feel good and will create cravings in the future.
  • There are specific signs of addictive behaviors to look for in yourself or someone who might be concerned about and help, like AA, is always available.

“Turning to substances or new behaviors post-divorce is not uncommon.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201709/can-divorce-cause-addiction

An Open Letter to Therapists About Your Divorcing Clients

Despite divorce being a life-changing and increasingly common event, few therapists receive any training on it in school.

Divorce impacts almost every aspect of a person’s life: not just their family, but their finances, living situation, and career.

Therapists represent a unique position in a divorcing client’s life because they have no agenda regarding the matter and will choose no sides.

Therefore, therapists should seek training, advice, and reading materials on dealing with divorce for their sake and their clients’.

Key Takeaways:

  • Divorce can be like an earthquake or a storm that ravages a couple’s family, home, money and livelihood.
  • Many therapists claim that a lot of clients are traumatized after a divorce.
  • Therapists have to know that they have a responsibility to help their clients during this time and to provide resources to ease their burden.

“According to one lawyer, there’s approximately a 30 percent increase in the volume of calls in January compared to other times of the year.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201710/open-letter-therapists-about-your-divorcing-clients

17 Essential Rules For Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce can be tricky. There is a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. It can be hard not to be on the rebound for a long time. This gives rules which might help. Using these seventeen rules might make dating easier once your marriage has ended. This situation is not easy for most of us. We want to date but we don’t know where to start or how to handle our hurt feelings before bringing them into a new relationship.

Key Takeaways:

  • Step one in dating after a divorce is to pamper yourself, this is a stressful time and approaching it with in a comfortable state is key.
  • Make sure that you have a continued relationship with your friend and support group, isolating yourself is not healthy during this time.
  • Don’t be desperate and settle for someone who you don’t feel a connection with.

“Allowing yourself to play and have fun can build confidence so that when you are ready to date for love, you bring your authentic, powerful self to the table.”

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/yourtango-experts/dos-donts-dating-after-divorce-expert