Category Archives: Commentary

16 Important Reads For Anyone Trying To Get Over A Breakup

It is not easy to recover from a broken heart and it might seem that you will never get out of the slums that you are in. But, the truth is, there will be a better and brighter day. In the mean time, there’s some neat tips and tricks that you can use to help you improve the mood and get over the past, some of which are backed by scientific evidence and proven to work!

Key Takeaways:

  • When recouping after a romantic split, sad songs, according to scientists, can be helpful, because they evoke positive emotions, including tranquility.
  • To promote healing, ape resilient split survivors and refuse to obsess over every tiny detail of the split.
  • Keep sadness in check, creating a list of happy things, and setting a time limit on daily time you allot to wallowing in sad stuff.

“It’s inevitable: At some point after divorce, a well-meaning friend or family member will suggest that it’s time to “just move on” from the split.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-get-over-a-breakup_us_59b8052ce4b031cc65cd238d?section=us_divorce

Why Luann de Lesseps is Now Luann de Divorce

After de Lesseps, 52, made the shocking announcement, her friend reached out with a message of support. “I always said about Luann that you’re a friend through the good, the bad and the ugly,” Medley told Us. “You can advise them and then once they make a decision, you have to be supportive. But if they get in trouble, you have to be supportive. I feel bad for what happened.” According to Medley, her costar was ready for commitment. “Remember, she was a mother and a wife for twentysomething years. She was a good one!” Medley noted, referencing Luann’s marriage to first husband Alexandre de Lesseps, with whom she shares adult children Victoria and Noel.

Key Takeaways:

  • Relationship science has shown that our friends (particularly the female partner’s friends
  • are better at gauging whether a relationship will be successful than we are. As it turns out, partners can g
  • The Enduring Dynamics Model states that people bring into their marriages the same problems they had during their courtship.

“Relationship science has shown that our friends (particularly the female partner’s friends) are better at gauging whether a relationship will be successful than we are.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lesson-plan-love/201709/why-luann-de-lesseps-is-now-luann-de-divorce

I Got Divorced At 37 And Never Expected What Came Next

Tracy Brown Hamilton shares her insights into what happened after her marriage of 12 years ended in an amicable divorce when she was 37 years old. She eventually was able to become friends again with her ex-husband but she knew that it 37 divorcing could possibly close the door on having children of her own. She discusses how her journey lead her to finding a new love and eventually having a family with three children.

Key Takeaways:

  • One journalist has a story to tell when it comes to divorce. The couple were married for 12 years before they decided to split.
  • The pair said that they did not expect what happened next after divorce. Divorcees are becoming younger and their lives are changed forever by that trend.
  • Many young divorcees are shocked by the cost of that agreement. It is a legal limbo that will put their livelihood to the test.

“I did my best to be adventurous and open — sort of an Eat, Pray, Love cliché — but after a few days, I found myself sitting on my friend’s balcony, drinking wine and smoking cigarettes.

My only epiphany on that trip was that I wanted to go home.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/i-got-divorced-at-37-and-never-expected-what-came-next_us_55d2179ce4b07addcb4389da?section=us_divorce

What We Can Learn From Brad And Angelina About Reconciling After A Divorce Filing

After someone files for divorce there can still be a reconciliation if that’s what both parties want. Brad and Angelina show us this. They have a lot of kids and many stresses on them because of their celebrity so are not a typical couple, but we can still see how reconciliation can be possible from them. Their relationship is constantly all over the news so we often see it. Tabloids report on them a great deal.

Key Takeaways:

  • Brad and Angelina were a star celebrity couple for years. The spotlight was certainly on their marriage before they filed for divorce.
  • The pair are a great example of divorcees reconciling their relationship afterwards. We can learn quite a bit from the example they have set.
  • Fans have always been impressed by the couple and their lives. Follow the two as they continue to rise in terms of their stardom.

“How well a husband and wife can find each other again after experiencing these issues among others turns largely on how solid the foundation they built for their marriage early on was”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-we-can-learn-from-brad-and-angelina-about-reconciling_us_599c5ed1e4b0ac90f2cbaa04?section=us_divorce

Why Choose Mediation Over Litigation?

Litigation isn’t the only way to solve an issue. You can try mediation as well so you and the other person can come to an agreement. Mediation is not as serious and relies on the parties being able and willing to come to a conclusion together. If they can there is no need for litigation but if not that may be the next step. Mediation is better for those who aren’t acting irrational or refusing to talk calmly about a situation.

Key Takeaways:

  • Decisions made as a result of mediation cannot be used against either party if litigation becomes necessary.
  • Mediators can be from social or medical organizations, not necessarily from legal establishments.
  • Couples may decide to involve their lawyers in the mediation process.

“By remaining involved actively in the negotiation of their divorce, either side has a greater likelihood of walking away feeling satisfied with the settlement they got because they (not only their lawyer or a judge) were instrumental in getting it.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-choose-mediation-over-litigation_us_59677a09e4b051f16255e641?section=us_divorce

How To Love Yourself Again, After Divorce

Some people have a difficult time recovering after a divorce. Post-divorce can be a troubling time for many people and answering the question of what do I like to do can be difficult. It’s best not to default to being a martyr. Best things to do are revisiting any or all of your old hobbies, try some new things and activities, life a healthy life, travel and even date. Always be kind to yourself and keep positive thoughts. Most importantly stick up for yourself, learn to say no and do what is best for you and no one else.

Key Takeaways:

  • When one’s identity has devolved to the point of existing to please a loved one, thereby eradicating one’s own personality, divorce can leave that person feeling like an empty shell.
  • It’s important for the person who allowed their martyrdom to happen to acknowledge the fact, thereby shouldering a portion of the blame.
  • To start to heal, it’s important to live a healthy lifestyle, revisit old hobbies and try out new activities.

“Only when we are 100 percent happy, healthy and reconnected with our inner self, will we feel whole enough to get back out there, and give someone else a chance to love us wholly”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-love-yourself-again-after-divorce_us_5930732ae4b042ffa289e87c?section=us_divorce

Redefining Yourself After Divorce

Adjunct professor and tele-health counselor Dr. Nikki Martinez has written a feel-good piece on how to approach self-identity following a divorce. In short, she first attempts to downplay divorce as a source of personal failure, saying that many relationships, be it friendships, work relationships, and so on, do end in one way or another. She then goes on to write how, not only is divorce a great teaching moment, but also stresses how divorce is not so much a failure, but merely a conclusion to two individuals who’ve changed over the years. Specific teachable aspects include analyzing what things a person didn’t like about the relationship as well as him or herself. She closes with how one ought to examine what they are now looking for in a partner as their new, post-divorce self. The article is also interspersed with a few images evoking positivity and looking towards the future.

Key Takeaways:

  • Things that happen to us, whether they are positive or negative gives us a chance to learn and improve ourselves.
  • Realizing that changing and growing is a part of life. We all change and mature with age and sometimes it will change what we want or need out of a relationship.
  • The ending of a relationship is not a failure but a chance to realize what changes happened to end the relationship and gives us a chance to grow.

“The important thing is to not let the end of the relationship make you feel like it is the end of everything, and instead look at it as an opportunity for new beginnings, growth, and greater happiness.”

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/redefining-yourself-after-divorce_us_599146dfe4b0ed1f464c0c49?section=us_divorce

One-On-One Opposite Sex Friendships: A Marriage Blind Spot

There is nothing wrong with a having a friend of the opposite sex when you are single but, when you are married their are boundaries that can’t be crossed. If you are having issues with your spouse it’s cool to get advice from an opposite sex but don’t confide in them emotionally because that’s where things get confused. The article mentions the friends you have before marriage can get in the way of you and your spouse trying to grow or flourish.

Key Takeaways:

  • Selflessness, a hard quality to cultivate, is a necessity not just for nuns and other religious, but a useful asset in a marriage.
  • While opposite sex relationships at work and in couple situations are normal, such relationships, requiring one-on-one fostering, can be detrimental to your marriage.
  • Continuing to maintain such a relationship, while in a marriage, creates a breeding ground for apprehension and mistrust.

“Declining your freedom for a greater cause can sometimes be difficult to do, especially if you’re married.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/clear-communication/201708/1-1-opposite-sex-friends-blind-spot-threat-marriage

A New Toxic Trend in Relationships: Is Yours at Risk?

Throughout history there have been different eras of relationships and currently we are in a very complex and demanding one. There is a lot of pressure on relationships in today’s world that can turn relationships toxic. With extremely high demands, we as Americans are creating unrealistic goals of what a partner is capable of. There is no longer marriage just for the sole purpose of economic status and procreation. It’s important that we put our best foot forward and learn to grow and bend with our life partner. There will be no happily ever after if there is no compromise.

Key Takeaways:

  • A 2015, Northwestern University scholarly paper, categorize American marriages, asserting that they fulfilled specific needs, according to the decades in which they occurred.
  • While former historic periods seemed to have created unions based on functional, or emotional needs, today’s couples seem to be expecting their partner to help them fulfill some higher purpose.
  • The new all or nothing push to potentially find one’s best self in a romantic relationship has been called ‘a suffocation model for marriage,’ by Finkel and colleagues.

“Americans expect a lot from their partners. Scholars are now shining a light on the idea that long-term relationship expectations have changed dramatically in American history.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201708/new-toxic-trend-in-relationships-is-yours-risk

What Life After Divorce With A Baby Is REALLY Like – The Good Men Project (blog)

What life is like going through a divorce with a baby involved. There’s a few steps you can take to make the difficult time be a lot easier. For instance the feeling of not feeling like a normal family because of the divorce. Even the fact of one parent having the child for a few hours may be an uncomfortable feeling because your constantly worried about your child. The best step with that is trusting your ex spouse. That’s the only way you will be able to get over that hurdle not completely but just enough to break-even some what.Also as a divorced parent you will also miss out on a few important aspects your baby goes through as an infant due to the fact that the baby is with his/her other parent or your at work and the baby is with someone else like a babysitter or at day care. With this being said its not necessarily your fault, the circumstances are this way. Still its good to stay in full contact with your ex so that they know what new things the baby has experienced. At the same time both of you will have your own separate experiences with the baby, due to the fact your no longer together. A good example is you may wake up in the middle of the night to check on the baby and he/she maybe blowing bubbles for the first time ever. There will even be a time when either of you gets a boyfriend/girlfriend and you bring that person around the baby. Neither of you will like it at first because you never know how that person is with the baby whether they are treating the baby right or wrong. You have to trust your ex is doing the right thing when it comes to bringing someone new around the baby. There will be times when the baby may seem sad and that’s only because the baby is used to the constant routine of both parents being around on a daily basis. With that being said babies can feel your emotions. The way babies show this is they become difficult like things that were once easy will now be slightly difficult. It is also very possible for the baby to develop colic, when that happens the baby may resist being soothed, constant crying, even losing interest around them. Being divorced there are a few steps you can take to help. For instance respecting one another as parents is a good thing even though both of you may not always agree on certain things. Another way is if you experience something new with the baby you could record a video or take pictures. Just make sure to send it to the babies other parent so they can witness the memory also. When it comes to disagreements you must keep that away from the baby. Keep in mind your baby sense emotions so if your angry the baby will be too. Trying to sooth a crying baby when your angry can be pretty frustrating. Another step is introducing your baby to new people is a good thing. But you can’t just spring a new person on the baby quickly you have to ease a new person into there lives. That being said it can be upsetting to the baby. Lastly its good to have a really strong bond with your baby. Once the baby has that strong feeling that they can trust you it makes a lot of things way easier. With that being said if the baby cries you will instantly know what’s wrong whether the child is hungry, needs to be changed or sleepy.
Those were just a few steps that can help you get through divorce with a baby involved. If any of the steps seem to get difficult its good to ask family or friends for help. Even a licensed professional.

Key Takeaways:

  • The “normality” of family life exists no longer across a range of things.
  • The divorce will impact the child immediately and in the future.
  • Communication between you and your ex should not be in front of the baby.

“Divorce is difficult no matter what the circumstances. But when your divorce happens while you have an infant, life gets really tough.”

Read more: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/what-life-after-divorce-with-a-baby-is-really-like-cmtt/