Category Archives: Commentary

How You Can Change Your Post-Divorce Life In Just Five Minutes Per Day

The parents of the author divorced when the author was a child. This event gave her insight into coping with divorce. Caring for the appearance and cleanliness of oneself and one’s home are key to moving past a divorce. After a divorce, a person’s financial situation changes. It is important to manage these financial changes. Also, divorcees shouldn’t sulk around the house or the same old places. They should get out into the world, try new things, and meet new people.

Key Takeaways:

  • five minutes is all that you need to change your life
  • A great way to get a sense of control is to focus on what you do know
  • a clean space will put you at ease in life

“Whether you’ve been neglecting your health or appearance, it’s time to set aside part of your day for you.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-you-can-change-your-post-divorce-life-in-just-5_us_59a71c9ee4b096fd8876c032?section=us_divorce

This Marital Behavior Is Not Only Annoying, It’s A Sign You Might Divorce

One the most significant warning signs of a communication breakdown in a relationship is stonewalling when your partner attempt to discuss something important to them with you. This is characterized by remaining evasive or purposely disengaged while they attempt to communicate with you. The article suggest several antidotes to this situation including picking a good time to talk when everyone is calm or rested, not overflooding the discussion with too many details, and paying attention to physical or body reactions when difficult topics come up.

Key Takeaways:

  • Communication issues in a marriage aren’t just annoying, they can be very, very serious and can at times be an indicator of more serious issues.
  • The author gives us 7 tips on how to work through stonewalling and help stonewallers recognize what they can do to help themselves
  • Communication issues don’t have to be the downfall of your marriage.

“…routine stonewalling is one of the biggest predictors of divorce.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-common-behavior-is-a-tell-tale-sign-a-couple-might-not-last_us_59c3e36fe4b06f93538d1311?section=us_divorce

An Open Letter to Therapists About Your Divorcing Clients

According to family lawyers January will see a 30% increase in divorce cases. This also leads to an increase in referrals for mainstream therapists as many seek the best way to end their marriages. Divorce is probably one of the most common life changing events that therapists’ clients will go through yet they receive no formal education on how to handle this situation which is a shame since what most clients needs is information and support. These days there are many books and support groups that therapists can utilize to assist their clients. If you are a therapist that does not offer these services, please refer your divorcing clients to one that does.

Key Takeaways:

  • Therapists need to seek knowledge about divorce and how thoroughly it effects peoples’s lives.
  • Divorce is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a couple and a family, like a “hand grenade blowing up the family”
  • Therapist are more concerned about the client’s emotional and personal welfare than an attorney might be.

“Therapists can play a key role in helping clients feel supported and get educated.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201710/open-letter-therapists-about-your-divorcing-clients

The Hidden Dangers of Early Divorce

This is a brief look into how addictions can affect someone after a divorce. It’s important to note that addictions do not just include drugs, nicotine and alcohol; any behavior that becomes a ruling force in ones life can be a behavioral addiction. As the article pointed out, porn and shoe shopping addictions can be just as detrimental to someone as substance addictions. The brain releases chemicals based on what we are feeling or going through during an event. Cortisol and adrenalin are released in stressful, heartbroken experiences, and later the rush from an addiction releases dopamine and other hormones. Denial is a key aspect when someone has an addiction, but there are several signs that show an addiction is present. Preoccupation with the behavior & an inability to control the behavior are two large indicators. If someone does find them self with an addiction, there are several places to seek help. There are 12-Step programs, psychiatrists, hotlines, online options and your general physician can guide you to assistance as well.

Key Takeaways:

  • Many divorcees turn to unhealthy habits to take their mind off of the troubles and pain caused by their divorce; these habits can lead to addictions.
  • When a person is feeling bad they might look for a good time, this will release dopamine in our brains allowing us to feel good and will create cravings in the future.
  • There are specific signs of addictive behaviors to look for in yourself or someone who might be concerned about and help, like AA, is always available.

“Turning to substances or new behaviors post-divorce is not uncommon.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201709/can-divorce-cause-addiction

An Open Letter to Therapists About Your Divorcing Clients

Despite divorce being a life-changing and increasingly common event, few therapists receive any training on it in school.

Divorce impacts almost every aspect of a person’s life: not just their family, but their finances, living situation, and career.

Therapists represent a unique position in a divorcing client’s life because they have no agenda regarding the matter and will choose no sides.

Therefore, therapists should seek training, advice, and reading materials on dealing with divorce for their sake and their clients’.

Key Takeaways:

  • Divorce can be like an earthquake or a storm that ravages a couple’s family, home, money and livelihood.
  • Many therapists claim that a lot of clients are traumatized after a divorce.
  • Therapists have to know that they have a responsibility to help their clients during this time and to provide resources to ease their burden.

“According to one lawyer, there’s approximately a 30 percent increase in the volume of calls in January compared to other times of the year.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201710/open-letter-therapists-about-your-divorcing-clients

17 Essential Rules For Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce can be tricky. There is a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. It can be hard not to be on the rebound for a long time. This gives rules which might help. Using these seventeen rules might make dating easier once your marriage has ended. This situation is not easy for most of us. We want to date but we don’t know where to start or how to handle our hurt feelings before bringing them into a new relationship.

Key Takeaways:

  • Step one in dating after a divorce is to pamper yourself, this is a stressful time and approaching it with in a comfortable state is key.
  • Make sure that you have a continued relationship with your friend and support group, isolating yourself is not healthy during this time.
  • Don’t be desperate and settle for someone who you don’t feel a connection with.

“Allowing yourself to play and have fun can build confidence so that when you are ready to date for love, you bring your authentic, powerful self to the table.”

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/yourtango-experts/dos-donts-dating-after-divorce-expert

Everything You Need To Know About Starting Over After Divorce

When you get a divorce, it alters your life in so many ways. It’s reported that divorce is the most stressful event a person will ever experience in their life and few will disagree. But, you can minimize the headaches when you know how to start over after divorce. It isn’t as hard as some people would think, as long as you know the right way to do things. These tips ensure that everyone getting divorced starts over the right way.

Key Takeaways:

  • Getting over a divorce is a process that comes with many emotional set backs.
  • Getting over divorce can come with many painful memories, but it’s best to pick yourself up and go do something new.
  • Doing things like writing letters, and creating new memories arekey to helping you get over a divorce.

“Breakups make even the strongest people feel small, helpless and even hopeless at times. But if you stay optimistic and embrace some positive, healthy approaches to healing, you can emerge from the breakup stronger than ever.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/start-over-after-divorce_us_59bfdb84e4b0edff971dd05d?section=us_divorce

This Is Why You Get Mad At Your Spouse For Things They Do In Your Dreams

Have you ever had a vivid dream? You may have felt it really happened. You may have even gotten mad at your spouse for something they did in a dream. This sounds irrational but there is a reason it happens which is explained here. Knowing about it could help you to avoid the frustration it might cause. If your spouse has ever done it to you it might help you to at least understand why.

Key Takeaways:

  • As many as half of all people may have bad dreams about a spouse or significant other.
  • Bad dreams about a significant other can affect how you feel about them the following day.
  • There is no absolute set of criteria by which to interpret dreams.

“Marriage therapists told HuffPost that they often hear from clients about spouses behaving badly in dreams.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bad-dream-spouse_us_59cbe182e4b053a9c2f5d65d?section=us_divorce

How You Can Change Your Post-Divorce Life In Just Five Minutes Per Day

With just a few simple steps you can make your post-divorce life better. Life may seem more difficult without your partner but it doesn’t have to be that way. There are a few things that may help you along the way.

Divorce challenges you in new ways, forcing you to face things that you haven’t had to deal with before. One of the most forgotten aspects of divorce is that you have to learn how to take care of yourself again. Self-care is necessary for getting back on track and finding out who you are without your partner. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day it’s worth it.

Another aspect of divorce is your finances. You will have to learn how to budget for yourself. Instead of depending on your partner to help, it will be your responsibility. This may even lead to a new kind of financial freedom if you had been dependent on your partner to take care of you.

You may find that you are able to organize your living space and rearrange it to your liking. This is one of the more satisfying aspects of divorce. Arrange your living space in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Feeling comfort is important during this time and as time goes on you will settle into new habits.

All you need is a few minutes a day to change the way that you are living. Start a garden so you have something living and beautiful to take care of. Do those home renovations that you have been putting off. Buy that new car you’ve been dreaming about. It will help put your mind and heart at ease.

The last aspect is to re-build your social circle. You have the freedom to go wherever you want, see whoever you want, and do whatever you want. Now is your opportunity to build a new circle of friends, a support network that will be there for you when you need them.

Finding yourself again after divorce can be a rewarding experience in the end. All it takes is some time and effort to work towards goals that will benefit you in the long run. Day by day you will find new reasons to live and new reasons to believe in yourself again. So start taking action and find your new life again today. In the end, it’s worth it.

Key Takeaways:

  • All it takes is 5 minutes of focussing on yourself to get past a hurdle in life like divorce
  • Simple changes to make to move on in your life is getting organized and changing your surroundings.
  • It’s important to take the time to focus on your self by taking 5 minutes each morning and increasing it by a minute every day to meditate or workout or get yourself ready for the day.

“Whether we lose our job, break up with a significant other, become ill, or get divorced, we have the ability to pick ourselves up again, start over, and move forward.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-you-can-change-your-post-divorce-life-in-just-5_us_59a71c9ee4b096fd8876c032?section=us_divorce

My Parents’ Divorce Made Me A Feminist

When her parent’s marriage ended, because she was fourteen years old, Anastasia Higginbotham developed a unique perspective on life and her future. After dealing with several issues, she immerged a feminist, especially watching her mother thrive after the end of her marriage. she has a good relationship with her parents now and has turned something horrible into a learning experience. She has grown as a person and a mother because of what she went through as a teen

Key Takeaways:

  • Children who live through their parents divorce never come away from it unchanged but they are resilient
  • Sometimes when a child’s parents get a divorce the child will act out no matter their age just a different action depending on their age.
  • Parents need to be mindful of the things they say and show their children at all times including through adulthood

“Don’t go underground with your real feelings of grief, anger or relief. Make room for the entire messy, conflicted experience.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/my-parents-divorce-made-me-a-feminist_us_569809a6e4b0ce496423d15f?section=us_divorce