Commentary

Why You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Everybody Else

September 17, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Comparing yourself with others can be quite dangerous. This is because when you make comparisons with other people, you don’t necessarily see their struggles that have lead them to where they are today. Comparing yourself to others can belittle your own work and values that you have put into your life. Instead, it is recommended to try mindfulness; that is, figure out which areas of your life you’re comparing yourself to others the most, and appreciate your own experiences. It is important to recognize that everyone has their own secrets and internal struggles. Acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses can ultimately help your mind be at ease.

Key Takeaways:

It can be scary to realize that the people you have put on pedestals really don’t have it all together.
If you want to love yourself, it has to come from a place inside you, not externally.
Be mindful of your strengths and forgive yourself for being a regular human.

“Comparing ourselves, belittling our worth, or minimizing our strengths can validate our core irrational beliefs that ultimately we are not good enough, we are unworthy, or we are not reaching our peak potential.”

Does Testosterone Impair Men’s Ability to Empathize?

September 15, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Males have it difficult no matter where they turn. Either they aren’t manly enough for the other men or they aren’t empathetic enough for the women, could testosterone be the root cause of the problem? In his new blog post, Christopher Bergland explains what the hormones do to the body and a new study that involved empathetic responses when given an extra dose of testosterone. He also explains the results of the study and what researchers have planned next to continue their quest for answers.

Key Takeaways:

Injecting hormones into your body should be taken seriously and researched thoroughly
Despite their best efforts at a study, no link was found between additional testosterone and basic human emotions
This research team may conduct future studies to look at additional relationships formed from extra testosterone

“For this large-scale, double-blind, placebo-controlled experiment, 643 healthy young men received an application of testosterone gel or placebo. Soon after testosterone exposure, they were asked to perform behavioral tasks and fill out questionnaires designed to measure cognitive empathy.”

The Virtue and Power of “Maybe”

September 13, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

When life presents you with the opportunity to make life-changing decisions, your ability to say yes often depends on how confident you are in how the outcome will turn out. If you’re 99% positive that agreeing to the proposal will result in success, then you are much more likely to take the task on. However, there is something called the aspirational gap which depicts the path between what we aspire to be and what we actually do.

Key Takeaways:

Many of us with a “can-do” attitude or a people-pleasing personality fear saying “maybe” to the people around us.
We often do have genuine, positive intentions in committing to things, but oftentimes we under-estimate our responsibilities.
There’s no shame in saying “maybe” – it can be liberating, in fact, to admit you aren’t sure.

“Not only that, we’re someniscient about our somenipotence. We don’t know everything about what powers we have. We’re all guessing.”

The Most Powerful Mindfulness Is Future-Focused

September 11, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Mindfulness is usually a focus on the present, but our minds travel both into the past and into our futures. We can focus on the future to make a difference in our paths. If we look only to short term, present outcomes we may be short-sighted. Prospection is the practice of creating, discovering and planning out future possibilities. Prospecting helps you create outcome for what you want, by having an action plan, and then making it pretty safe by having a coping plan in case something doesn’t quite work out. By really looking into the future we are predicting our future and planning for possibilities or maybe’s. Projecting your future and acting on it provides free will. You are choosing your path, and then you are following it. Act on our own goals, if we see ourselves detouring on our plans, correct, and move toward our futures. We can avoid a lot of bad decisions and choices by focusing on positive futures.

Key Takeaways:

By asking questions about why things were done, we can apply them to organizing a more thoughtful future
Don’t be afraid to challenge policies and practices already in place just because they already exist
Utilize planning tools such as a matrix or multi-avenue plan can help drive future success

“Future mindfulness, concentrating on looking forward, offers even more potential and power to individuals, leaders, and organizations wanting to forge better futures.”

3 Keys to Resolving Conflict

September 9, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Conflicts are normal and they can happen over anything, from the important to the petty. We all have difference of opinions and we need to navigate to prevent from conflict from occurring. You can do this by Keeping an open mind, seeing things from another’s point of view, listen to the person you are speaking to. You might consider that they are actually right, or that both points of view have solid merit. If you do not avoid conflict you need to resolve it before relationships get damaged. You can do this by being vulnerable enough to show regret and apologize. You can hold yourself accountable. You also need to take action to turn things around and make amends. Hugs also go a long way in repairing relationships damaged from conflict.

Key Takeaways:

The source of conflict can range from trivial events to matters of the utmost importance.
Unresolved conflicts can lead to lingering negative emotions that can fester and grow worse over time.
Since it is almost impossible to avoid them, the most important issue becomes how we choose to deal with conflicts we do have..

“You always want to repair after a conflict ruptures a relationship.”

Blissfully Happy With a Narcissist – Fantasy or Reality?

September 7, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

As the population of women continues to focus on their safety, the label of narcissistic personality is becoming more of a everyday term and should be given the proper amount of attention. In her new blog post, Katarina Valentini reviews what a relationship with a narcissistic individual may look like in a more positive way. She shares her own personal experience, where the relationship suffered and what roads led to more potholes in terms of emotional stability and potential abuse.

Key Takeaways:

There are many different levels of narcissism and you can have positive experiences with one.
By not demanding a narcissist act in a certain way they are more open to change.
narcissists are fun, charming and attentive when they want to be. Be okay with who you are and do not fall for their games.

“When they feel accepted and appreciated, they have a lot to give and do so gladly.”

Finding Magic in the Mess + Love You Hard

September 5, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Finding Magic in the Mess, by Steven Fonso, is a book on raising children with more joy. Fonso encourages parents to liberate their families from arbitrary rules and expectations. Fonso also encourages parents to let their kids play, and “just be kids”, assuring the reader that those values lead to more connectedness and less conflict within the family unit. Fonso also reminds parents how harmful it can be to compare one’s family to other families, and encourages parents to recognize and appreciate what makes their own family unique.

Key Takeaways:

Steve Fonso is the author of the positive parenting tome entitled, “Finding Magic in the mess.”
The book makes the point that emotional bonding and finding joy should take precedence over arbitrary rules.
One important element, according to Fonso, stop comparing your family to other families.

“rather than focus on cleanliness and fear of germs, let kids get dirty, connect with nature, and make a mess”

A Family Mission Statement: Why and How to Make One

September 1, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Many organizations create mission statements to identify their core values, and families should do the same. Creating a mission statement helps to develop a common culture that can build character in children. To create one, have the family members can sit down together and ask, what kind of family should we be? Children should be involved in this process. Statements might express ideas like “we don’t lie, cheat, steal” and “when we make a mistake, we admit it.” Hanging the family mission statement on the wall will serve as a reminder of the family’s values, and it should be discussed often to make sure it isn’t seen as merely words on a wall.

Key Takeaways:

Successful organizations almost always have mission statements that form a framework of core values.
To make a family mission statement, you and your whole family, including your kids, should sit down and talk about how you should treat one another and what kinds of values you want to uphold.
Continuing to refer to your family mission statement can help turn it into a shared focal point of identity.

“If we want to raise kids who are respectful, responsible, and kind, we need to create an intentional family culture that explicitly prioritizes and promotes those qualities.”

How to Keep a Fresh Start from Stopping You in Your Tracks

August 31, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Many people experience difficulty in starting a brand new project completely from scratch. There’s something about a totally blank page that many people find to be daunting. To beat this sort of anxiety, try not to get too fixated on whether you’ll make a good first impression or not. Try to remember that flaws and mistakes are an inescapable part of the human condition, and don’t be too much of a perfectionist. Instead, try to use a brand new project as a way to refresh yourself and your creativity.

Key Takeaways:

Starting something new can be nerve racking for some and it’s important to not worry too much about that initial impression you might be making.
Perfection doesn’t need to be the primary goal, because being imperfect makes you real and easier to relate with.
Just getting something new started is a good way to refresh and forget the worries of the past.

“Keep these three things in mind, and maybe your new start will be a boosting motivator rather than a stressful circumstance.”

Lessons from Splitsville

August 29, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Many divorced people wind up discovering that their relationships after the divorce are actually better in many ways than those they had before they were married. This is largely because they will now have more relationship experience, as well as more overall life experience, than they did before. One important thing, however, is to make sure that you and your partner take the time to go on dates without your kids in order to focus on your relationship. You should also refrain from critiquing each other’s parenting whenever possible.

Key Takeaways:

Many people find that the relationships they have after a divorce are actually more fulfilling, in part because they have more life experience and relationship experience.
Single parents need to make sure that they find the time to go on real dates win each other without their kids.
Try to avoid criticizing other people’s parenting of their kids if you can possibly avoid it, since this tends to upset people quickly.

“In other words, if people can create the best relationship of their lives with someone after they split, why can’t we do it while we are still together?”