Commentary

The divorce process is one that can feel almost crippling to go through, especially when you have parental obligations to tend to on a day-to-day basis. Although it may be quite difficult, it is imperative that you maintain your composure throughout these stressful times in order to avoid any additional trauma that your child may experience from the separation. It is important to ask yourself questions surrounding your child’s well-being in order to find ways to protect themselves from potentially damaging thoughts and experiences following the divorce.

Key Takeaways:

• It has been shown that parents who are under high stress levels have a tendency to mistakenly ignore their child’s stress.
• One of the main goals as a parent should be to preserve as much of your kid’s childhood as humanly possible.
• Be sure not to cut back on any scheduled quality time with your child. They need it now more than ever.

“when divorce strikes, life as you know it comes to a halt, often with devastating consequences.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/age-un-innocence/201806/quality-parenting-needed-most-during-divorce

Licensed divorce therapist Susan Pease Gadoua took it upon herself to write a letter to Kate Spade’s daughter after her tragic suicide. Dr. Gadoua made sure to point out that Kate was right in writing about how it was not her daughter’s fault, and that she hopes that she gives herself enough time and space to properly heal. She speaks about how it is vital during overwhelming times to allow others to come and curry some of the burden.

Key Takeaways:

• Gadoua makes it clear that she is not trying to take the place of a therapist for Frances.
• It is a part of human nature to have an urge to point fingers once someone has committed an act such as suicide.
• Kate must have felt as though she had no other options that were within her line of sight.

“I hope you will give yourself the gift of enough time and space to heal and, if you do nothing else, that you will give yourself the gift of getting adequate support.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/contemplating-divorce/201806/divorce-therapists-open-letter-kate-spades-daughter

Jen Simon outlines 9 ways one can break up and still do it gracefully. She says that these ways have been discovered by trial and error but they work. I will outline just three. One of them is that you have to recognize when it’s time to end the relationship. If your feelings are waning or he’s mean to you, you have to take your choices. Another is that you shouldn’t be mean when breaking up just because you want to be so. You should explain to him the reasons for the breakup and not use these as an opportunity to say all those things you have been bottling up for months. Also, don’t do the breakup publicly. Don’t choose this route because you don’t want a scene. It’s rude and embarrassing. Other ways can be found in the article.

Key Takeaways:

• Even if you have a slew of expletives and personal negative points you’ve been dying to get off your chest, let it go, since you’re letting him go.
• If you don’t wish to remain friends with someone about to become your ex then don’t say so, as it merely prolongs the relationship crutch.
• For both of your sakes, and in the interest of good manners, have the charity and decency to break up without an audience.

“Like any skill, I learned through a very extensive trial and error process, leaving a wake of bruised egos, uncomfortable situations, and most depressing, months of prolonged, mediocre relationships.”

Read more: https://www.yourtango.com/200937999/9-steps-make-breaking-easy

Divorce signifies the end of something important in a person’s life and that can be devastating. The good news is that an ending makes room for a beginning. Although initially it hurts (an why wouldn’t it?) pushing past the past can mean breaking new ground, like a crocus, making its way towards the spring-softened surface. It’s an opportunity to try new things, develop new patterns, even become someone we never knew we could be and in doing so maybe find the real love of our lives. It all starts with acknowledging an end and diving into a beginning.

Key Takeaways:

• Divorce marks the end of an entire way of life and its normal to mourn that end and normal to feel as if something is irreparably lost.
• But, each end also marks a brand new beginning if you let it, and therefore includes the opportunity to create a brand new you.
• To encourage the inception of that new you try out new things and try to develop new patterns, nature abhors a vacuum.

“Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is key to feeling better.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/201805/finding-your-feet-first-steps-in-divorce-recovery

Even the most stable relationships are guaranteed to have a certain level of conflict from time to time. It is only natural that when two people are in constant communication, a certain level of disagreement will follow. However, the conflict does not have to lead to divorce like it does in 40 to 50% of marriages today. Experts reveal that couples should prioritize finding out where the conflict typically appears, and recognize why it is important to make an effort to work through it for the partnership.

Key Takeaways:

• Conflict is normal in any relationship, but it is important to learn how to handle the conflict to ensure a long-lasting relationship.
• When a couple is living with one another but leading parallel lives, they become selfish and forget to focus on themselves as partners.
• Try to remind yourself why the goal of working on resolving your interpersonal conflicts is important to you and your relationship.

“Those in a relationship find ways to quickly move on and for the married, divorce rates continue to be high. According to the American Psychological Associaton, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/life-in-balance/201805/where-has-the-love-gone

Feeling frustration after a divorce is completely natural, but there comes a point in which you need to take a step back and analyze whether or not it is at an appropriate level. If you find yourself continuously going back and forth retelling stories of despair and fury, then you’re only instigating the anger to come back more and more overtime. Try to recognize what the other party did wrong, confirm the situation to yourself, and realize that it is time to validate that you have a right to move on from it.

Key Takeaways:

• If you find yourself continuously retelling the story of what made you angry, it is necessary to find ways to establish closure.
• You need to recognize that although the situation was unjust in a sense, you have the ultimate ability to confirm that fact and move on.
• Be sure to not only stop retelling the story, but also stop replaying the stories in their minds.

“We are indignant and outraged that a wrong has been done but helpless to set it right. The world doesn’t seem in balance and the continuing anger is a response to that.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/201710/consumed-anger-long-after-the-marriage-ends

Emotionally abusive relationships can often be undermined as less valid due to the physical aspect being present. If you find yourself involved in the toxicity of an emotionally abusive relationship, it is important to acknowledge it in order to promptly take action safely. If you find yourself walking on egg shells, or needing to report back to your partner on a routine basis, these are both signs of an emotionally abusive partnership. Gaslighting is also a common sign, when someone makes you feel as though your viewpoint is invalid and irrational.

Key Takeaways:

• If you find yourself walking on eggshells, this means that you have internalized the emotional abuse your partner is throwing at you.
• Many abusive partners will participate in gaslighting, where they make you feel like your view of events is completely irrational and invalid.
• It is unquestionably emotionally abusive when a partner says something hurtful, but then acts like they were just kidding around.

“Physical abuse is easy to recognize, but emotional abuse in a relationship can be more insidious, often going undetected by family members, friends and even victims themselves.”

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/signs-of-emotional-abuse-relationship_us_5a999fbee4b0a0ba4ad31a4d

Everyone has an opinion about cheaters, some hard won wisdom, or some colloquial wit that they take as fact, or close to it. But, not everyone know that there is scientific data out there that tells us some interesting stuff. Portrait of a cheater, if you will, stat-wise.

For example, cheaters are more likely to be into rock and roll. Women cheat to get an emotional need filled more often then men do and are not necessarily less likely to stray. Men actually cheat with the misguided notion it will help their primary union get better. Many cheaters are not actually unhappy with their unions and actually get it on more when they cheat.

Key Takeaways:

• Approximately 41% of cheaters are more likely to listen to rock music than any other genre.
• Women tend to cheat due to needing emotional reinforcement, instead of seeking out intimacy.
• A researcher at UCLA found that women are more likely to participating in infidelity when they are ovulating.

“Here are a few things you may have never known about cheaters, but probably should because, you know, there are many of them out there. You might as well educate yourself on the breed of people who are fine with infidelity.”

Read more: https://www.yourtango.com/2014215265/adultery-infidelity-8-things-you-didnt-know-about-cheaters

Many of us find ourselves in situations where we question whether or not the idea of taking back our ex partner is a rational decision. There are many essential factors to consider when deciding whether or not a relationship is repairable. If both you and your ex have acknowledged and accepted responsibility for your part in the relationship’s downfall, then this is a good sign that it can be mended. On the other hand, if there are still untreated addictions and mental health issues, it may be best to stay apart.

Key Takeaways:

• If there is an active addiction present in one of you, it is imperative to wait until they are sober with a good support system.
• If they have a mental illness that they still won’t agree to treat, it is best to put reconciliation to the side.
• Ask yourself if this person still inspires you in the ways that have the ability to make you thrive.

“If you and your ex are considering reconciliation, take the time to personally reflect on the following six questions. Then discuss them together. Doing so may save you lots of pain, and give you both a much better shot at future happiness together.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love/201710/considering-reconciliation-answer-these-questions-first

A typical behavior when someone wants to hold onto a relationship is to attempt to modify themselves in order to ensure that they can hang onto the relationship. When you are in the beginnings of a relationship, the high you feel is so invigorating that it makes you fear the downfall that could potentially come. However, just embracing this feeling as one that could possibly be temporary may be healthier than trying to modify who you are and what your values are.

Key Takeaways:

• In the start of a relationship, it is common to become attached quickly and to want to believe in the potential illusion of it being a permanent situation.
• Sometimes the things in others that make us unhappy are important in helping us discover more about ourselves.
• Many times, one goes from feeling incredibly attached and loved to feeling like they are only partially loved.

“It’s a real experience, and it’s a high. It’s a great feeling. We delight in it, we crave it, and we might behave recklessly or disrupt our lives for it.”

Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201710/love-without-future