Commentary

Should You Be Considering a Sleep Divorce?

March 29, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

Some people are solving sleeping problems by getting a sleep divorce, sleeping in separate beds or bedrooms. Sometimes things like snoring, cover stealing, and different schedules can make sleeping together difficult. In some of these cases, sleeping together can lead to guilt and blame and can harm a relationship. On the other hand, sometimes sleeping apart can also harm a relationship. If a couple is having problems sleeping together, there are ways they can solve the problems without needing separate beds. Because touch is healthy a couple can work together to solve some of the issues, by experimenting on different things to prevent the problems. A benefit of sleeping together could be working together to improve sleep. Together you can establish routines that improve sleep. If couples who want to sleep together are able to do this it can improve both their sleep and relationship. On the other hand, if sleeping together is impairing their sleep and they both are okay with sleeping apart a “sleep divorce” wont hurt your relationship and getting a good night’s sleep is important.

Key Takeaways:

Poor sleep has a very negative effect on our body, so sleeping in separate beds can give us more room and a healthier nights sleep.
If your partner’s sleep disturbs you, figure out ways that you can fix those things. Some people snore which can be very annoying for example.
If you can help your spouse maintain good sleep habits and vice versa, it may be worth dealing with the issues being caused.

“If you enjoy the feeling of your partner in your bed but find that they do disturb your sleep, there may be other ways to help mitigate those issues.”

16 Ways to Hold that Tension

March 27, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

There are many things that we can do to bring more authenticity into our lives and stop being so tense. First, we need to be true to ourselves even if that means being vulnerable at times. In order to become a very loving person, you need to have experiences that teach you about love. We simply can’t be a great lover until we have accepted relationships with all parts of ourselves and have deemed ourselves worthy and lovable.

Key Takeaways:

To become a more loving person, we need to experience it ourselves through difficult times.
Conscious loving means we need to come out from behind the security of our promoted image and still be more authetntic.
To fully love we must be able to hold the tension of opposites. We can be fully committed to someone while still being free to be ourselves.

“We cannot be a capable lover until we have established an accepting relationship with all parts of ourselves”

Yes, That’s My Daughter And She Has Short Hair. No, She’s Not A Boy. Leave Her Alone.

March 25, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

My daughter has short hair, simply because she likes the cut, not because she’s trying to be a boy or because she likes to do boy things, she just likes the cut, and that’s it. It’s rude to stare and ask questions of what my daughters gender is based on her hair. There is also a much more delicate way of asking questions without hurting her feelings, she’s not a that, she is a little girl, a little girl with short hair, and people need to open up their minds outside of this binary system that we have, it’s holding us back.

Key Takeaways:

Some little girls want short hair because it’s easier, more comfortable, or because it allows them to run faster.
Since there is no alternative universe, children need to learn how to stand up for themselves.
The gendered expectations of our society are not okay and they can be cruel, especially to children.

“If you can’t or don’t know how to ask a polite question, don’t ask or say anything. Don’t stare. Go home and read. Or ask Google.”

Relationship Fatigue? Try Something New

March 23, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

It’s important to find some activities that you and your partner can find things that you enjoy doing together. Think of a fun activity that both you and your partner will enjoy. Enjoying things together strengthens your bond, and gives you memories to look back on together to have and cherish forever. There is always something to enjoy no matter what you choose to get together, be sure to just have fun and laugh and smile, your closeness will increase.

Key Takeaways:

If you are getting bored by your relationship, try doing something new to add some spice to your life.
The more often you have fun with your significant other, the more positive your interactions will be and the better your memories created.
There are always new things that we can experience and we should always be looking to expand our horizons with the ones we love.

“Even under the threat of domestic and foreign terrorism, we will continue to do all we can to make our lives what they deserve to be.”

Why Uncertainty Freaks You Out

March 21, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

Our brains prefer to know of the outcomes one way or another instead of being stuck not knowing what lies ahead. Often when we don’t know what lies ahead we are pushed into a sea of unknowing that gives us a high level of anxiety. This is because, if we don’t know what lies ahead, then we can’t protect ourselves from danger. Our brain goes into over drive thinking of all the possible scenarios that could happen, it’s a lot better when we know, then at least it’s not a mystery and we can be on guard.

Key Takeaways:

Job uncertainty can take a greater negative toll on your health than actually losing a job because of how nervous you are the entire time.
Your brain is constantly updating and it’s like an overprotective parent when things are uncertain. It’s even active while we’re sleeping.
It is best to accept uncertainty because there will always be uncertain events in our life. If we don’t we can be tricked into thinking everything will always be safe and secure.

“Sometimes the brain prefers to know an outcome one way or another to take the edge off. Studies show that you’re calmer anticipating pain than anticipating uncertainty because pain is certain.”

Three Tips for Living a Mighty Life

March 19, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

We all have thoughts that are meant to keep us safe and away from harm, but sometimes those thoughts get out of control and they actually stop us from doing the things that we actually really want to do. These negative thoughts aren’t just going to go away, they are a part of you, the idea is to learn to have a better relationship with these thoughts. If one comes up, you can learn to say to yourself that it’s something you really want and it’s worth it to try.

Key Takeaways:

Make space for discomfort as it’s something that we all experience from time to time. Allowing discomfort is a major step towards having a mighty life.
Find people that you can connect with and lean on them when you are undergoing difficult times.
Instead of thinking negative thoughts, use positive reinforcement and tell yourself positive things to wash away those negatives.

“Social media has a way of convincing us that everyone else is leading perfect lives while we struggle. And when we get caught up in these comparisons, we feel it, it’s painful.”

What Are Your Romantic Relationship Goals?

March 17, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

What you want out of a relationship differs from person to person, we all have different things that we want out of a relationship and we all have different things that we find attractive. When we are looking for a partner we want to make sure that both parties have the same mutual interests as far as what they want in a long term relationship. You will want to start with someone who provides your basic needs, your basic emotional and overall well being needs.

Key Takeaways:

When talking about relationship goals, it’s important to recognize what you want, what you need and what trade offs you’re willing to make.
If you want to have a healthy relationship, you’ll need to invest time and self help/self care into your relationship.
A romantic relationship needs to have a healthy balance where neither party has an overwhelming amount of power.

“A relationship focused on meeting physical needs, such as food and shelter—and helps to provide physical, emotional, and economic safety as well.”

Want To Save Money? Buy Your Groceries More Often.

March 15, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

Shopping more often can cut down on grocery costs because you are using the food as you are buying it. When you do this you cut down on waste and you are more likely to consume the healthy food you have purchase if it was just purchased that day and hasn’t had a chance to go bad. Some people in smaller parts of the world tend to do this because they need to purchase food each and every day to consume and it actually ends up being much cheaper in the long run.

Key Takeaways:

Families waste about $1500 a year on food that they just throw in the garbage which is a major problem as starvation exists.
You can reduce food waste by planning your meals and cross utilizing ingredients so that you can use all the ingredients up.
Making recipe substitutions is a good way to use food that you have rather than buy more food that you don’t need or won’t necessarily fully use.

“Marvin and other food industry experts believe more frequent grocery shopping ― or at least smarter grocery shopping ― can lead to healthier diets, lower grocery bills and less food waste.”

Happiness Is Not Always Joyful

March 13, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

Happiness is not always joyful, there is a misconception, that happiness means that you are in a permanent state of bliss and that’s just not realistic. You can be happy and still have moments where you aren’t full of joy. The more we try to seek out this permanent state of joy the more we are killing our true happiness. We are giving ourselves unreasonable expectations and when we fall short, we feel like we failed, but the truth is, we will never be in a perfect mental state.

Key Takeaways:

A main form of well-being is referred to as eudaimonia, and it is a concept that is focused on self-actualization and purpose in life.
By reminding yourself that there is meaning in all of the hardships that life throws your way, you can naturally practice eudaimonia each day.
A great example of eudaimonia is parenting, because it is a job that is highly demanding yet also very fulfilling.

“A more sustainable approach would be to seek a balance of the two broad types of well-being that have been explored in psychology and philosophy across the ages.”

Letting Our Love Flow Into the World

February 7, 2020 By Fort Collins Mediation

In order for a couple to really let their creativity show to the world, they need to have a level of cooperation, trust and closeness with one another. One of the most important things in a healthy relationship is that both members share the same amount of power. For example, if one person has to do 95% of the work in a relationship, it will normally fail. You have to be able to work together with your partner as every relationship has it’s ups and downs. There are also seminars and groups that meet to help people with struggling relationships as well.

Key Takeaways:

When you are able to have trust and closeness with another person, it allows your level of creativity to flourish.
Co-creativity is a type of energy that leads to specific actions and risks as you’re looking to build an even stronger relationship.
The key to a healthy relationship is having a healthy balance of power between the two parties as that will lead to greater trust and love.

“We have co-created a relationship that is a holy sanctuary from the harshness that the larger world can often be.”