Commentary

The Hidden Power of a Family-Style Meal

October 21, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

The Eastern philosophy of a shared meal has been lost in today’s Western world. Families used to sit around the table, sharing the same dishes, taking only what they needed. This created a bonding experience, and research even shows that these large, family-style meals promote cooperation within the group, and even allow people to recognize the needs of other members of the group, instead of the needs of just the individual. All in all, the family that eats together, stays together.

Key Takeaways:

Many cultures eat meals at a round table with individual servings of shared dishes, unlike the Western practice of everyone ordering their own entree at a restaurant.
In one recent test, it was found that “union” and “management role players reached settlements more quickly when they snacked from a shared plate — with similar experiments getting similar results.
The researchers think that “family style” meals force us to think more about the needs of others, and how our actions impact them.

“Interestingly, cooperation was not explained by an increased feeling of closeness, as sharing the crackers did not increase closeness.”

Rethinking Love

October 17, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Love is a tough emotion to define, but as a society, we tend to take the Hollywood view of love, like that of Romeo and Juliet. Although, in real life, that’s not the case. The emotion of love may be more about how well we relate to each other, not some romanticized, over-the-top emotion about two halves making a whole. As individuals, and as a society, we need to rethink love, and do some much needed cultural advancement.

Key Takeaways:

The idea of love has grown over recent years, and our society should accept that.
The cinematic view of romantic love is based on projection, not true connection.
In essence, it may be only possible to love as much as the degrees of connection with one another.

“Men project more feminine parts of themselves onto women, and women do the reverse. The result has been a reliable kind of magnetism.”

Relationship Fatigue? Try Something New

October 15, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Some relationships tend to stagnate when couples do the same routine day in and day out. If a connection with a partner seems to be bland, it may be time to try heading out on a new adventure together. Couples that spend quality time experiencing novel events tend to bond together in through the learning process, and afterwards, come out closer and stronger. It’s important to hold dear to the time spent together as a family and the more smiles, the better.

Key Takeaways:

Couples should venture out of the norm to obtain new milestones in their relationship.
Doing new things together creates a tight-knit bond between couples, as they are both experience something novel together.
In today’s political climate, the only thing that should be kept together is family.

“The more you can smile together, the better your interactions will be.”

A Healthy Mind Needs a Healthy Heart

October 13, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Dementia is a major issue, especially for the growing elderly population, yet there is no real cure. One form of dementia is vascular dementia, which is caused by lack of circulation to certain parts of the brain, sort of similar to a stroke. As of now, the best way to prevent dementia, as someone would prevent a stroke, is to remain physically and mentally active throughout life. By feeding the brain with knowledge, one might be able to ward of dementia.

Key Takeaways:

It’s hard to treat a stroke, so it’s important to stay proactive to prevent these type of brain injuries.
Vascular dementia and strokes combine for the highest leading causes of death, behind heart disease and cancer.
While there is no known medical cure for dementia, people should focus on increasing blood circulation to the brain my staying physically and mentally active.

“What I can tell you is this: If you want to keep a brain, particularly an aging brain, healthy, you need to feed it.”

Beyond Empathy: The Power of Compassion

October 11, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

There is so much divisiveness among people today that it is always heartening to hear of or see acts of kindness and compassion. Recently during the U.S. Open Naomi Osaka who is 21 years old defeated a popular young contestant Coco Gauff who is 15 year old. After the match Gauff was understandably shaken. Osaka not only consoled her but also invited Gauff to the post match interview usually reserved only for the winner. Osaka also spoke with Gauff’s parents to let them know how much she knew the hard work and effort the parents have put in to support Gauff as a player. It has been shown that such expressions of compassion benefit both the one showing it and the one receiving it. There are also consequential benefits including instances of reduced stress, longer life and overall well-being. Compassion consists of truly wanting to relieve someone else’s suffering or misfortune as opposed to empathy which involves sharing and understanding the feelings of someone else. Compassion can be as small as providing a needed smile or gesture at a time when someone else is feeling low. It can also involve providing assistance to someone who simply needs help. Researchers have found that compassion is not only innate to someone’s personality but can actually be studied and learned through meditation.

Key Takeaways:

Expressing compassion towards someone allows for both mental growth, and even physical well-being.
For those that don’t know how to show compassion, it’s good to begin by performing acts of kindness for others.
It’s possible to gain compassion through meditation, as one can like inside themselves to teach compassion.

“The fact that they had taken time from their own lives to be with me during this darkest time, to be present with me in my pain, was something I never forgot.”

What is a Marital “Tune Up?”

October 9, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Marriages aren’t always smooth sailing, so it’s important to have regular check-ups with each other to ensure a healthy, strong relationship. It’s like bringing a car in for maintenance: if the driver ignores the problem too long, than it can fester into larger issues that may appear seemingly unfixable. Therefore, at the first signs of any trouble, couples should seek help from a professional, like a therapist, to tune up, and set their relationship back on the right track.

Key Takeaways:

Relationships, especially marriages, need to go through routine maintenance in order to thrive.
The longer that people in a relationship ignore a major problem, the worse it is going to get.
At the first signs of marital troubles, it’s imperative that couples see a therapist to talk out the issues.

“When an issue comes up with our car, most of us bring it to the shop so that the problem doesn’t get worse. Why isn’t the same concept used with problems in the marriage?”

What Are Your Romantic Relationship Goals?

October 7, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Relationships thrive when couples focus on the same goals. These goals can be broken down into institutional goals which focus on basic human needs, compassionate goals which focus on a mutual sense of belonging, and self-expressive goals which focus on personal growth. For the individual, it’s important to ask questions to there partner so that they are on the same page and can avoid conflict in the future. All in all, there is no one right goal for a relationship since it’s up to the individual involved.

Key Takeaways:

There are three types of goals in typical romantic relationships: institutional goals, compassionate goals, and self-expressive goals.
There is sometimes a disconnect from what people expect out of a relationship, and the effort they actually put into it.
No specific relationship goal is better than the others since it’s about finding a partner that compliments, and satisfies each other’s goals.

“Beyond that, many individuals may have a more difficult time meeting basic needs too, leaving even less time and energy to pursue such self-expression.”

Reframing how we teach happiness

October 5, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

Parents play a vital role in the development of their children’s happiness. It’s important for the parent to let the child develop and explore what makes them happy. The more activities the parent exposes to the child, the more of an idea they will have for what brings them joy. Whether it’s sports, drama, art, or anything in between, parents should let their child recognize their strengths, which will create a great level of independence within them.

Key Takeaways:

One of a parent’s main goals should be to help their child explore what brings them joy.
Parents should engage their children in several activities so their children can recognize their own interests, rather than having their interests be forced upon them.
Happiness is not about never feeling negative emotions, but about taking them with a positive, constructive outlook.

“We never tried to prescribe your happiness, instead, we let you discover what made you happy.”

Can Longing for the Early Days Reenergize a Relationship?

October 3, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

The negative aspects of life can, over time, take a toll on a relationship. Reminiscing about better times may, in the start, help to alleviate such pains, but such reminiscing can also serve as a poignant reminder of the current issues and hardships at hand. A better way to help mend a relationship broken in this manner can be the reassessment of partners’ aspirations and how they have morphed over time. Nostalgia can act as an emotional painkiller, relieving and at least partially nullifying negative emotions.

Key Takeaways:

The inevitable negative experiences of life can accumulate and place a damper on a relationship.
Reminiscing about better times can be helpful in the beginning, but it can also be a reminder of current issues.
Nostalgia can nullify or lessen emotions of despair and can ameliorate one’s emotional state.

“Even if a relationship ultimately falls apart, as when one partner abandons the other, nostalgia can be helpful in restoring psychological well-being in the aftermath. After the initial shock, the one left behind can feel lonely, depressed, stressed, and angry.”

Getting the Big Guns Out of the House

September 25, 2019 By Fort Collins Mediation

When someone threatens another individual, they are using strong-arm tactics that will only generate a response that is based out of fear. These tactics are also known as “big guns”, and they have no place in a healthy and stable household. Instead of using abusive tactics like these to intimidate your partner with ultimatums, approach them from a place of love and kindness in order to obtain the cooperative and harmonious relationship that you truly desire.

Key Takeaways:

When someone uses strong-arm techniques in a relationship, they are only going to get a fear-based response.
Big gun techniques have absolutely no place in a civil relationship. It is best to put them away and replace them with loving and caring responses.
Once you give up threatening behavior, you will be met with a relationship that is more harmonious and cooperative.

“When a partner seems to be losing an argument, he might waive the big guns.”