Death is a serious matter, which is why it entails going through some very specific stages, before most of us can let go of the pain of dealing with it. What many of us fail to realize, however, is that when a marriage collapses that too is a death of sorts, requiring the same need to go through several stages of slowly releasing the pain, anger, sadness, shock and guilt associated with the event.
Sometimes a divorced person finds that even after going through the stages, they cannot seem to let go of the pain and move on. When this happens, it is less likely to be sadness and regret that is holding him, or her, back. In such a case, it is often a component of guilt which is at the base of the problem. Usually, this is most especially true if the partner that can’t seem to let go and move on is also the one that feels they bear the most blame for the end of the marriage, perhaps due to particular events, which they instigated, which put too much pressure on the marriage, or qualities they had, which proved in the end to be damaging to the union.
Even in the case of the offending party, however, there comes a time to move on. If that person is you, you need to find a way to forgive yourself, or failing that, find a psychiatrist that can help you to do so.
- ou can never go back to being the husband or wife you were.
- That “stuckness” lets you know there’s more work to do
- You’re not alone in your divorce, even if it feels that way sometimes.
“When a couple gets a divorce, a death of sorts happens between them.”