Marriages end and usually with good reason. And, while most would admit that they are better off with the knot untied, some do find that even if the marriage was de-raveling to the point of being quite bad, even if it just wasn’t worth the work going into it any more, that they still miss having that other familiar person around.
We are all creatures of habit. And when we have spent large chunks of time, decades even, or more, seeing the same person, existing in the same space with that individual year after year, often while doing things together, frequently automatically, and by a short-hand developed by the simple act of cohabitation over long years, it really is no wonder that a split causes a sense of rupture. In such cases, loneliness is likely to ensue, even if it is the loss of tradition and the comfort of sameness that is truly being mourned. These longings come into our minds dressed in the guise of the missing person, even though we realistically know how much better we are without him, or her.
- Serge Bielanko has found bright spots since separating from his wife but loneliness plagues him.
- He doesn’t miss the arguments but he misses settling down on the couch with her at the end of the day.
- He knows that eventually there might be someone else that will step in and take her place but he is not ready for it yet.
“There are nights when I stand in the middle of my kitchen in this old house I’ve rented, stare at the juice-stained couch sitting there like a battleship parked in front of the TV a room away, and wonder what the heck she’s doing at that exact moment.”