Divorce is an unusual state to be in. And while many navigate it with a reasonable degree of calm, some do it very badly. It’s not abnormal to regress when it come to divorce. Psychological problems may escalate. A person with a tick can become a full-blown anxious nut. And divorce does not end with the paperwork. The narcissistic, psychotic ex of Hollywood fiction is overblown, but has a basis in fact. No one gets under the skin like an ex. He knows what to say, where to point, and how to manipulate your kids. Your ex might even bear little resemblance to the person you initially married, because divorce changes people. It pushes painful buttons, escalating abandonment issues and feelings of loss and unworthiness of love. To say it’s emotionally discombobulating is to understate. When it comes to exes, remember that there is a trifecta of concerns. Keep it safe, for you, for your partner, and for the kids. Keep your integrity, if at all a possibility. And try to move the relationship to a better plane.
- Intelligent divorce is possible when both parties agree to be civil, reasonable, and get the therapeutic support they need to move on.
- Divorce is stressful and can conjure up worries about money, fears of abandonment, and concerns about the house and children.
- A good acronym for communicating with a difficult ex-spouse is SIR (Safety, Integrity & Relationship), with an emphasis on always putting safety first.
“We must think from our heads and not from our hearts during divorce because feelings are often so muddled and the mistakes that people make are so predictable.”